10 Things Every Bride Should Know Before She Gets Married

1. Be conscious  of the price you’ll pay for a flawless wedding. If wedding is theater, a bride can lose sight of what is most significant– the marriage. Compromise with your husband when you have two different visions.

2. Getting caught up in a competition with your friends over ‘who has the best wedding’ is unhealthy. This rivalry can cause a bride to lose her way and put a wedge in her relationship with her future husband.

3. A future husband to be who takes orders from his mother  or confides in her  ahead of you can signal trouble ahead. It’s time he shifts his loyalty to you, his wife. If this isn’t happening, point it out to him and have a talk about it.

4. It will only hurt you if you  are not friendly and welcoming toward  your husband’s sister/s and mother.  No matter what you think, be cordial, civil and respectful, for his sake and the sake of the marriage.

5. A few sessions with clergy or a social worker can be advantageous. Those couples who consult with clergy or a counselor about their relationship before their marriage are avoiding the issues later on, when the stakes are higher.

6. A bride and her husband to be, whether they go into counseling or not, should have a serious discussion about a shared vision of life. This includes children, finances, religion, values, goals, in-laws, friends, lifestyle.

7. Communication is key. Being honest and open with your husband paves the way to the success of the marriage.

8. Carving time out for the couple is a way to preserve the relationship. Make sure that in your busy schedules you have time alone together and to do a few fun outings – movies, dinner, a weekend away.

9. Your level of support and commitment matters. Be sure that your husband has your back and vice versa, come what may.

10. It takes energy to sustain the romance and sex and once married, the day to day grind can push them aside. Work hard to keep this going.

You can find more advice from bestselling author and gender/relationships expert Susan Shapiro Barash in her new book, THE NINE PHASES OF MARRIAGE: HOW TO MAKE IT, BREAK IT, KEEP IT, due out Sept. 18, 2012. Order here.

 

Posted by susansbarash | Leave a comment

Female Rivalry Holds Women Up in the Workplace

I read Anne-Marie Slaughter’s essay “Why Women Still Can’t Have it All” in The Atlantic, with great interest on a personal and professional level.

For those women who came of age in the ’70s, there was the promise that the march to the workplace would be most rewarding.  But there was no modeling for the balancing act of wife/ mother/career woman and by the early eighties, the divorce level in America escalated to an all-time high. The “second shift’’ took root, whereby working mothers and wives were responsible for a majority of the housework and childcare. Still, working mothers spoke of quality time versus quantity time and the lure of “having it all” persisted and seemed just within reach.

If we fast forward to March of 2011, when the White House released a new report entitled Women in America: Indicators of Social and Economic Well-Being, there was the inexplicable fact that women were still not earning equal pay for equal work, but 75 cents to the dollar. And so five decades after the second wave of feminism, with 72 million women in the workplace, there still isn’t fair treatment of women in terms of compensation.

In order to change this statistic, women would need to coalesce in a way that we haven’t seen since the second wave of feminism. One of the issues for women is that they are in competition with one another for positions in the workplace, and that churns up female rivalry. With this construct, it’s little wonder that there is a lack of solidarity among women. Women are keenly aware of the problem, but the jobs are too important to register a complaint. A working mother has enough going on in her life that she isn’t so inclined to jeopardize her career by taking a stand on how women treat one another by virtue of the system or how women are not paid equal pay for equal work.

The struggle for women to “have it all” has been labeled  a female “issue” for decades, without enough support from men. Of course how could  men support  this when they have not had to address it and it isn’t their experience. Corporate America in particular  has been intolerant of the needs of working mothers and thus has kept them from getting to the top in enough instances. Mixed societal messages about being a career woman and a mother have further confused the problem. The judgments and dichotomy between working and non-working mothers has stirred it up too.

What can really make the difference is if women  would support one another in this arena and if women would bond to facilitate change, rather than operate separately, out of fear. The fear is that they’ll lose their jobs if they question the unfairness of their situation or if they have to alter their schedules to accommodate a child. There are working women who embrace being mentors all the while worried that if they mentor younger women, they will  lose their jobs to them. This way of thinking will stop when women feel more confident of their positions and more secure at work.  And the working women themselves are the ones to make this happen.  What will benefit women in various careers with all age children  is to  join  together to facilitate  the changes that will  improve their choices and provide more opportunities.

Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter and Facebook!

Posted by susansbarash | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Back to Blogging: What’s In Store

Hey, here I go, restarting my blog! It’s about time and I’m thrilled to be back.

The academic year just ended last week, and it was a great one. I taught terrific classes both terms. While I’ll miss my students,the summer stretches ahead with some interesting possibilities and the luxury of time for research and writing.

For the blog, I have a few ideas in mind:

I’d like to take a look at current events. News travels very fast and we’re infused with information non stop- on a daily basis. So how it affects our lives is worth considering and mulling over. It’s intriguing to read about celebrities as well (a certain kind of current events) and to imagine their experiences –as many of us do. Thus a thought or two about why their news affects us as it does…

I’d also like to focus on personal happiness and interests, mine and yours. How and why do we choose our passions, how do we recover from disappointment and how do we recreate ourselves ( in love, with family, with work) — those sorts of questions.

Of course, I always enjoy writing about the latest research and the latest trends, and any new statistic will catch my eye.

And then I have a book coming out in September, The Nine Phases of Marriage. The book is about wives at every stage and phase of their marriages and since the role of the wife is one of my favorite subjects, I’ll write something about that too.

More to come at my end and I look forward to hearing from you too.

And don’t forget to follow me on Twitter and Facebook!

Posted by susansbarash | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Summer is here!

>Finally, and at last an update… In May my daughter, Jennie,
was married and that was very exciting… Check out the
pictures on Facebook…

Now that summer is upon us mothers and daughters everywhere
are reconfiguring their days. Some mothers say their daughters can’t get jobs,
others say they’re fighting with their daughters over curfew, mothers of ten year old
daughters report they are begging for push up bikini tops…

And so it goes…

Best,
Susan

Posted by susansbarash | Leave a comment

Keeping You Posted!

>Hi All,
The past few weeks I’ve been touring Florida to talk about You’re Grounded Forever…But First Let’s Go Shopping. Started the tour in Jacksonville, ended in Boca–it was pretty cold and rainy throughout.

Check out this cover story in the Sydney Morning Herald–about Black Swan,
— and Toxic Friends!
http://www.susanshapirobarash.com/pdf/Friends_and_Enemies_-_Rachel_Hills.pdf

S.

Posted by susansbarash | Tagged | Leave a comment

The Latest!

>Hey All,

Last week I was in Phila for the NBC 10! show,
spoke at the Westport Y women’s group–
check it out in the Westport News. Today the Chicago
Tribune ran a piece… and so it goes. More to come.

http://www.westport-news.com/default/article/Women-urged-to-decontaminate-selves-of-toxic-725950.php
http://www.chicagotribune.com/features/tribu/sc-fam-1102-mom-daughter-20101102,0,2478806.story

Susan

Posted by susansbarash | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

The book tour continues…

>Last Friday I was on Good Day New York, interviewed
by Rosanna Scotto. And some great stuff has been happening
on the internet(links below). Check out radaronline- Kelly Bensimon,
Real Housewife of NY,who has two daughters, is reading You’re Grounded Forever…

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/10/exclusive-photos-new-york-hous
ewife-kelly-bensimon-avoids-parenting-pitfalls

http://blogs.forbes.com/meghancasserly/2010/10/18/money-cant-buy-love-
but-it-might-make-your-kids-happier/?boxes=Homepagechannels

http://www.examiner.com/authors-in-national/q-a-with-susan-shapiro-barash

Best,
Susan

Posted by susansbarash | Tagged , | Leave a comment